on a post it

i'm paying too much to live.
life has expensive written all over my
skin. every day a part of me goes down with the sunset, and the sunrise
is as faded as the color of my hair.
 piling of money sits on the inside of my stomach, growing to tumors
i have to remove. the quest to buy for my value, and the value
is more than i can afford.

my smile takes exhaust over me,.
probably better tucked under dimness, where this introvert plays.
down the street of my youth
i left behind silence. no longer on mute,
i will give you the loudest headlines.
ambition depends on stability, and practically speaking -
to wake up with the desire to live
is a better toast.

rose petals i have collected still smooth over pages,
their soaking fragrance,
like love i once treasured still in the back of my throat,
sometimes in gasps i feel his name,
desire to fire, but no.
i have maintained the will to hurt.
i am gravitational. all the idiosyncrasies for you to sample from.
take one dose today, leave parts for your next adventure.

there are only a few nights i taste
chamomile tea and warm the
mind of its of bareness.
the most expensive road to recovery cannot
fulfill me. i am a doctor's worst note and their best
experiment. and the music keeps repeating, and i keep
drinking one pill after another.
somewhere in there i
s the reminder i live.

let me be the one to be
to seek to free
to dance and burn
to our loves' aging skin.

off to church again

in the sky with diamonds,
cherry lover, come around
the corner of my curves, words for a nectar
taste.
run your luscious

i'm on my knees, again.
god:
can you read this?
spent my last dollar on the man
dressed for a living room display.
obsession is the gunpowder -
stains of my womanliness in his head,
thorns to this desire, through my fingers


try to tell me this isn't what fire
tastes like.

hospital welcome

static seizes.
wind sweeps a low hum of ants
to crawl electric.
shock on cotton sheets wraps
its steady hold. choke hold on
physique, frail outline.
there's a future lifeline
dripping into me. IV heavy
grips the veins like a
scorned lover.
i should know.
cut my last chance at
survival, but they
wouldn't let me feast
on myself.

love will be my grave.
screaming banshee
high on organs.
stirred again, the light-bulbs chirp -
flashing rebellion on how
to survive.
nesting doll, the nurse polishes me ready. snake shed
skin.
this fury -
inhales on the remains loyally.
black coffee, smooth
hell to raise.
a collective of bodies
painted on me.
analysis
of me, my own, and battles
i cannot slip.
DNA strands - like a ribbon to the eyes
dangles copies of life to speak to, but
we march on.
my mars is indecisive,
though Pluto urges for rebirth.
sometimes, i celebrate the self.
sometimes, i razor through bone.

ego!
your vitamin for fools -
well played to a survival.
on behalf of your iron fist
hope wraps itself in velvet.
i found it, written on the back of my
spine.

hey, lover.

cry in me. milk spilled, spoiled
rotten lover.
had swept the
moon right
onto the palm, but she wiped you clean
of light.
your mouth left
sick, heart splice with
love temperature. bed ridden cold. my
animal, how do you
like her now.

wilted tulips, as you'd like my lips -
frosted on the glass, on the tips
of persuasion.
how do you take your plea?
with a force
served on linen;
kerosene will do the trick?
or should we douse your bed
with my flora scent.

enough to leave
volumes of war, a voice
for the next decade
in your path.
in your mouth, remember my
taste. echo in the rear-view of regrets,
but, too much of a
wicked lover
i am -
to exercise such a wrath.

not an ounce of life
nor death can harness
back what the heart
once felt.
to an ego
as great as the sun -
only complete disdain
will harm.

Saturn will cleanse
the tongue.

spiral from misery

into desire

flesh cut wound cut

on a lemon breeze

and a tongue free

on a spring afternoon

i let mine roll around your

goosebumps

hello april

GIRLS:

• ice cream in your impala, a fire
• to a wonderful shade of romance.
• dipped in water, 
• red nails on a knife
• glide marvelously.
• sly coquette with a crown gold silhouette,
• stuck in isolation

BOYS:

• sinister war heart, band-aids dripping battles
• on the kitchen counter.
• a chill of sex on the horizon,
• quite the innocent hound dog -
• no, you're not ripe for pickings
• of a winner.

insecurity,

envy is death.
murderous with a knife
on the neck. cutting in
deep on the edges of a
face, trailing along
lips, and to the curve of her nose. 

slice it off, i beg you. 

take these eyes that don't
belong. slanted and burning
bridges. and these hollow cheeks
that hold a thousand secrets, not
full in bloom.

i am
not my mother's child, but a
prisoner of my father's crime,

Velvet whispers - 

Inaudible murmuring. 

Stifled secrets. 

Indigo shadows veil desperation - 

Obscuring desire. 

In a lucid azure dream 

I found you drenched 

Under a sapphire sky.

(writers block)

A cord to your soul
Stretches as far as the ocean.
Life is for taking.
Crumpled notes lay heavily with fury.
Your virtuoso of deceit. 

Verve on the edge of the earth,
Where pen and paper
Amalgamate with thundering clouds,
With veneration for art. 

From mother Earth’s arms you
Spellbind, sprout
To break loose.
Melody
Lays resting.
Cradles the body
With pureness. 

Guitar strings - a fingerprint on damp wood.
Something to be worshiped, somewhere
Along the crumpled notes awaits a muse. 

Fatigued, a tongue that speaks of many seasons --Capitulated,Fails to bloom.

he was a cranium
he was a deity
he was damaged sex i never got to try on my body.
splinters, blisters; i have from harshness i ran straight into,
impeccable lifeline; yours i give back to the dead.
intimacy, chloroform; i imagine you an animal in ruins.
i should have bleached your mouth from playing
tricks with words you couldn't hold,
but i couldn't even get inside your heart.
you said you made space for me, but i think i was more
a validation for your masculinity.

he was a year of seduction,
a personal myth,
creaking and breaking through the
cracks, crawling up my walls
to store his own past.
you denied me space in your presence, you could not give me
distance either.
in the end, i killed us to preserve myself.

the night i took my E pill

from splinters to silk.
his name is soft.

vigorous, with a conviction to kill.
charming, but a copy to read off a script.

not once have i introduced him into air.
i lock his name. to oxygen it takes, and this is how you fall.
he is nothing but a memory of fury.
curled into imagination.
my legs are a spider’s weak survival.

ambition to regain strength;
hopelessly i do. and i will crawl out.

in the meantime - distress is an aftertaste of bourbon gulps.
only during sleep do i reconcile with the self.
(i long to patch up skin parts to try his knife cuts all over again)
but morning is a mistress that battles minutes of yesterday
and heart palpitations start again.

working at work doesn't work

words are running around outside breathless.

i want to eat every adjective i find on the sidewalk

and wrap it as a present to the next misbehaving child.

faces of frenzy walk past by me, ghost presence and the lights they never stop.

not one soul stopped to mourn the end of summer.

thoughts are spiking and the echo-gram is jumping.

there is no comma to pause for a moment

and all the periods have escaped into lush fields.

on

and

on

and

on

i go

until the mind has fried its last battery

and

now

everyone

is

asleep.

the

mind

is

sober. 

mind blowing
gas flaming
torture device
you
arduous fingers
dear sweet surrender,
take from me
and give him a home. 

blush bombs
ecstasy, feed the
curious dome.
we
were exquisite bodies,
now,
none.

My sweets, he wouldn't know even if I told him

even in the most placid days when
everything is half and half. half asleep, half awake,
half alive, half dead -
he will torch in me a
manic that inflicts on every cell.
a longing suffocation, and my lungs - they like it this way. 

(he is:) a whiplash of a relentless sun
at its final setting - remaining bewitchingly
royal. (grand)
i salivate for when
my body will fit under as he is sprouting.

before the work flow

water is dripping, in the bathtub  

heavy body, cold.

tiles miming insanity. 

all those lines drip, drip 

together into the mind, 

and weave little pathways 

not able to find - 

a way back out. 

i draw one on my stomach and 

reach inside. 

bleach and mold, 

handfuls of skeletal bones 

curled up with their lovers. 

frozen walkways, arrows - 

bent metal signs, the streets are 

satin and black, residue on the finger 

leaves behind. the further it takes 

me circular on the tiles 

i coil

Once when I had a love

Sweat scented, on the body

Blooms weather.

Summer heat spread -

We are sealed to steam.

Sensation burning wax from candles

From pain comes pleasure. These are the notes

I write to.

You recognize the hymn well.

Furiously boil, sweet on the eyes - your glance

One touch, too hot it spoils.

You're not content, although you reek of it.

As loud as your ego, traces of 

The sun on your arms.

Unravel fabric 

Inside me,

Disappear into the threads with

Me, and mine, and I heat

Whole the night with

Your love lingering 

On and 

On, and

On. 

fever feast

nutrient filled with ecstasy, dances.

there's a fluid presence -

not a concrete anything, a definition of stable -

minus in me.

i take,

from the galaxies

every neon light, store it

in the back of my irises,

for when the night hits -

i raise my pupils' curtain and the

backdrop to love begins.

pirouette on a stage with,

will you be the one i call 

friend?

in a minute, such a haze -

we're intoxicated with a pulse

behind

heartbeats. 

bewildered my lips

while the sweetest music plays

along my goosebumps.

weightless, i invite myself

into 

and feast on bodies reminiscent 

of sorbet.

nightmare

soft be,

lay into eyes,

waiting for 

kisses of death.

sweet, 

somewhere in the sky

leftover remnants of the deceased

dance for me.

the stories i have

for wretched dreams.

collected from my fear,

fearless i am 

when i sleep.

...

still swimming through uncharted waters,
past the bleach white carcasses, once alive
released by the hands that birthed life -
now rotting. her umbilical chord
steadies me through vibrations. i am but a child fresh out
of womb. missing strength,
sucking away at her balance as she
provides nutrition at the battlefront,
behind the ribcage and into my
safe box.
a year shy of 25- though my shadows
are lacking what you would call
woman.
i do not recognize myself by definition-
starved for pureness I feel
naivety will be the quicksand tofinally end me. 

and she can only hold out a
hand (that feeds so warmly) for so long before i
take her veins for my own. tear her marzipan
skin with the fever of a beast. pressed firmly against mine-
the scent of fresh root enters.
alive. this must be independance.
and the hands that birthed life rise
by the calling of the sea. crippled, i watch
as she becomes yet another carcass
swimming among the ruins. one of
many in a dead sea. red, fury, my duty
is to survive in this temple.
and i shall stand firmly, finally, if only for
a year's time or so, wretched from
selfish survival
as it took hers. 

from time and guilt
i will make amends. and with the same
umbilical chord that kept me afloat,
gently i will ribbon right into its jaw,
and my body will squeeze itself dry
of every selfish cry.