tuesday roundup

I spring back to life like nothing happened and I am queen of the world again. Destruction is down the road and I'm obsessed with finding it. A girl thrives on some misery. But no, don't be fooled - I don't need company. I work better alone. Infecting those around me. I said earlier today that it might be difficult for me to bring a person down physically, what with my size & weight, but emotionally it's a breeze.

I am hollow, pained, confused, happy, euphoric, sleep deprived, anxious, in love, jealous, cocky, and everything else you'll find in the dictionary. maybe not everything. 

My brain is leaking.
It's all repetitive shit.
I'm thinking of seeing a therapist again.
But then I think of how they'll probe too deep and I will be too open for comfort.
Should?
Or should not?

Something out of nothing

• I feel the crimson wave about to hit me. 
• Naturally I am preparing for cramps that will overtake me mentally & emotionally. 
• But even more so physically. 
• Incapable & quite moody, I am pretty much cousin IT during those 4 days of wave surfing. 
• I should walk around with a sign that reads "warning, do not feed" - like an animal. 
• Wild jungle animal.
• Speaking of physically & emotionally overtaking - had my blood drawn on Monday - got pricked, bruised and bandaged. 
• Tests came back today normal. 
• Normal. 
• Normal do you hear that? 
• My mind sure doesn't. 
• The only thing I'm lacking in  is Vitamin D. It's at level 6 which according to the doctor is super low. Thankfully deficiency in Vitamin D is not something to cry about in your sleep.
• She gave me a prescription so soon I will be bursting w/ country fresh energy. Or something like that. 
• My blood pressure was high for the second time, but I attribute this to stress, anxiety and madness these last few weeks. 
• The doctor also wanted me to get checked out for depression & low moods. 
• I pass on that faster than vegetarians pass on beef. Let's forget that analogy, but I don't take medication to solve my emotional problems. 
• I take medication to solve the physical. 
• Bad pain, aches, migraines,cramps from mother nature, etc;

i’m in a dream; in hell. your arms are wrapped within mine. we are dangerous, we are in love. sometimes it feels good, other times i want to kill you in your sleep.

that can’t be normal right? 
& yet i’m attached & intoxicated with it.