| infinity rooms at the SeattleArtMuseum |

yayoi kusama is a treasure. and i had the best time at the infinity rooms at the SAM on monday. sold out advanced tickets. going back in september.
the feeling of vastness as you are merely a dot in this universe.
it was very overwhelming and as quickly as it came it was gone.
you are allowed 20 seconds in each room per the request of the artist. while i did take some photos as evidenced here, i tried to just take in the experience as much as possible.
you are allowed to re-enter the rooms once you are in the exhibit - however, lines are long and patience is a must. my good friend april who works at the SAM was able to invite me with one of her tickets. i am going back again in september with my sweets. now i will know what to expect and can allow myself to be immersed once more.

look it's me! hating on your choices with kisses.

not. 

i'm circa 2012. march to be exact. my bangs were it. style to the ceiling. i can't bring them back though on account of: they're a mess to keep.

heavy citrus fresh

welcome, spring.

vanity.xxx

"I am Queen of flies.

Swallow the words that fall from my mouth.

It is not enough for me to be immortal:

I am—and of this I boast—universal.

To begin, I want to impose upon you a desire without end, the sensation of being cut in two, deprived of your truth … like the body and its shadow at sunrise. I will make of you strangers to yourselves, avid for fusion, love and copulation. Let me be stared at, let me be gazed at with the sincere and almost melancholy gravity of deep-seated longing. I am dying. 

Weep, my beloved flies." 

---Anne-Lou Steininger, from La maladie d’être mouche (The Sickness of Being a Fly)

yellow has always been good to me

yes. i went through a moment of stupid face, happy camera moment. i just wanted to show off my shirt to be honest, though i don't think you can really see it. it's yellow. bee yellow. hippie bourgeoisie chic as the tag said.

i don't look so bad when i'm semi happy. and so far this month i have seen some of that. despite the weather being crap, and my friends showing their true colors - i'm more than relaxed. 

i'm gonna take advantage of these days. really squeeze out however much i can from it and try to inspire myself for the future. as i know, unpredictable awaits. wallowing in pity has its place. an inspiring place even. wallowing in cheer might be even better.

we compiled a poetry book in my creative writing class (2006)

i was 18

this was the poem i submitted

cat nipped

i think i went a bit too far with the valentine's festivities

the paintings he gave me still hang around the house. i can't give them away, i can't put them away, i can't do anything but give them air in my presence. i almost never keep ex infused items around, but this is different. i respect his pieces. i find them beautiful. and even though it doesn't give me the best feelings sometimes - it's okay. there was love in there, somewhere, at some point.

in case you're wondering it says I M A G I N A T I O N (our inside story thing. too long to explain) 

it's written across 3 mini canvases since it couldn't fit on just 1.  

Archives

my favorite 'might as well' thing to when i can't sleep is to go through old notebooks circa high school. it's comical, it's weird, and gives me second hand embarrassment. it's amazing, my head is still in the same place it was 9 or so years ago. though my handwriting has gotten worse.

"But as there is in this world not a single human who can speak my language; or, more simply, not a single human who can speak; or even more simply, not a single human; i must think only of myself, of that force which urges me to express myself." - Invitation To A Bedheading

3:14 AM

vampire mode: on

no life survives in my house.

just the way i like it.

coke fiend up

so you know sometimes you spend hours with your friend on camera talking about nothing, posing as a porn star you once dreamed of being at the ripe age of 'child' and everything feels good. no holding back, just loose. it's even better when you're filming each other with an incredibly crappy camera and when you try to take screen shots it ends up blurry and grainy and no amount of patience or photo - shop can salvage it. i actually think these look good. disco queen good. 70's polyester good. whatever that means. i just think it's wicked so - share time it is. if only i could look this grainy and blurry in real life.

still trying!

Fizzing out on crack. I am not alive right now. Zombie mode on extreme. 24 hours awake. And we're not counting the off sleep schedule I usually have. Go to bed at 3, wake up at 9, run through the day on ambition (or something like it) - start all over the next day. If you're wondering why I look confused / out of it / slightly dazed / - it's because I am. I should give up smoking. I should give up a lot of things.