still stuck

he's capable of terribly dark things, but what do i need it. i have my own.
and i wonder what the stars taste like after a loss of 
self.
still vigorous amour to my dreams?

but, go ahead and try me for sport

ready to clean my skin. but i need to properly open my eyes first so i can discern between necessary offloading and compulsive perfection that's going to leave my promising cells dry.

the best source of support is myself.

what i'm going through right now requires my hand only. anyone from the outside would just hinder my process. this has been a month of awakening and weakening. first comes realization, then the downfall, then my rise. i need to gain self control. i need to remember my worth and preach it not only to my beautiful ones, but to my beautiful self. i need to stop writing poems to lovers that never were. i need to stop men from ruining my ambitions. i need to never again discard my instinct because the moment i did that i lost trust in myself.

i am strong enough to consume myself in a puddle and pick it right back up within the next 30 mins as though nothing happened. if you go through this on the daily you will understand the amount of YOU needed to preserve in order to continue living. the people i have currently allowed to take from my energy are thriving off it as i type this. i sense their leeching. they forget i can turn the power i handed to them, against them. 

don't you worry,

there are two ways this can all play itself out. 1. either i am in line for the biggest emotional draining since 2009. or 2. i am in a eerie comfortable place that has numbed me to the point of comedy. and from this comes healing.

hilariously, this is maddening. and i have no patience to sit around and wait for results. yet - i have to. of course. they say first it's calm, then it gets louder, and your emotional strength is tested by raging oceans of past guilt, regret, and heartbreak. i think my body, mind, heart, and mouth is exhausted from its own voice. i've mourned long enough and i've thrown temper tantrums the size of my ego. i do hope my calm has finally come. 
but tomorrow will tell me for certain.

+never knew the light was as crucial as water.

+never knew I could love without boundaries.

Sept 2/07 - Drugged up pt. 2,110

Hey there Summer! Where is your promise?

Half empty milk sheets soaked with lovers past.

Solitude - hear me, fear me, wear me out for weeks.

Humble home, humble love.

Summer you broke my promise!

Invisible lines, I am caught in invisible nets.

*insert picture with hat*

Designer eye bags in tact. 

We are all robots. Possibly, slightly confused. I am incapable of letting anyone get close. Well, let’s rephrase that.  I am capable, Just wary.  Most of these declarations of ‘love’ are phony. Silly things. Silly people. What to believe? Who? When is the right time? Even if I feel it, doesn't mean their words are true.

Time for lyric of the moment. Brought to you in part by “Sunshine” By DJ Sava ft. Raluka

When people have no hopes & dreams | fuck everybody let’s get high | the sun will shine.

Here’s where Photoshop ruins me :