Well, he is gone. And I take with me a little piece of understanding of who I am. A similar train ride and the destination leads to nowhere. 

Self imploding little machine. The disappointment is neverending, but it's a waste to dwell on what I knew would happen anyway. Our interaction was a paroxysm and I was at the forefront of it all.

A stranger to love I don't do it very well. Whatever it is I'm supposed to do...

It kills slowly. Interrupts a flow that could be simple and warm. I didn't allow him to explain - though I don't think he had anything left to say. Always a quiet one. A distant one. He is what I am and how silly of me to push it away.

I wonder what he's doing, who he's talking to, what kind of love he's giving out and why he never shared with me. I could have reciprocated if he had shown me something. Something light and worthy. Instead I mimicked his charade. Oh well.

I tell my mind to stop. All day. Think of something else.

The sun, the sun is out. It's gorgeous and I've missed it. I bought delicious tea and it's soothing my insides. (makes me think of my grandmother) I bought a skirt, and a shirt, and a silver ring that I'm sure will begin to rust soon.

I think of today, and tomorrow, but most of all I think of yesterday.