6.11.11

+++

Purposeless floating. Lifelessness continues.

"Just give it some time" is not an option anymore, and when you don't value what you have, you have nothing. You are a robot. You are full of movement, and you take care of your responsibilities like everyone wants you to, but there is nothing at the core.

Surviving.
I mean, that's what everyone wants me to do. For what though? I am surviving only to eventually die? I am surviving only to eventually move in to a nursing home? What am I surviving for? Death is certain. I am miserable. Everyday. It's a struggle. I try, and I put on my pretty people face and I put on my trendy clothes and I walk and I work and I buy things. I pay my taxes, I recycle. I live as far as I can.

Contradiction.
I think the only time I am truly happy is probably when I'm sleeping. Though I never feel it and I don't remember my dreams