the more i think about it, the more i realize how cathartic, and nerve wracking it is to share your work outside yourself. the fact that i'm putting myself out to strangers who may not understand the intricate workings of my off mentality makes me hesitant ....
i've never envied anyone in the creative spotlight to be honest. however - in a positive light - it's really helped me reexamine the way i convey my thoughts to the public. the words i use, and the messages i get across have more power than i give credit to at times. my writing has always been about survival. as incoherent and erratic as it can be, that's more of a statement into my inner workings. i am incoherent and erratic at times. the harder i'm falling, the tougher it is for me to share with the outside world knowing that more often than not i will be critiqued. i was never concerned with turning my poems or stories into universal messages easily taken in by the masses. in fact, many years ago the mere thought turned me off.
i didn't start writing regularly until i was 15. by then i was going through what everyone assumed be 'teen angst' - though it's clear to me today i was already shaking hands with my illness.
writing was the only thing that kept me afloat. i had a hard time voicing myself to anyone, so i figured i would voice myself TO myself. i lacked restraint (and still do) so often i would go off on tangents that hardly amounted to coherence. to this day my process hardly makes sense to an outsider. i run through my thoughts with no red lights.
my method consists of going. going. gone. i write hazily, and then i edit. sometimes it's exhausting having to go through and deconstruct the drunkenness of your own babbles. and other times it's invigorating because midst all of it you've created a gem. it's taken me a long time to articulate myself in a way that might be more relate-able and understandable to the general public.
i still battle with it, but the perk of being more accessible is rewarding in itself. there's always a sister, or a brother who will find a friend in your creation. they will find comfort and support. they might just find a voice that resonates with their troubles and their emotional/mental/physical fragility (or what have you). it is hard to work with a survival method when you're no longer the only audience it is intended for. i am trying to be more user friendly while keeping true to my style. i don't want to lose my original voice and the (sometimes misunderstood) depth. but these recent writing projects have helped me to step out of the self and become more approachable.
i've never envied anyone in the creative spotlight to be honest. however - in a positive light - it's really helped me reexamine the way i convey my thoughts to the public. the words i use, and the messages i get across have more power than i give credit to at times. my writing has always been about survival. as incoherent and erratic as it can be, that's more of a statement into my inner workings. i am incoherent and erratic at times. the harder i'm falling, the tougher it is for me to share with the outside world knowing that more often than not i will be critiqued. i was never concerned with turning my poems or stories into universal messages easily taken in by the masses. in fact, many years ago the mere thought turned me off.
i didn't start writing regularly until i was 15. by then i was going through what everyone assumed be 'teen angst' - though it's clear to me today i was already shaking hands with my illness.
writing was the only thing that kept me afloat. i had a hard time voicing myself to anyone, so i figured i would voice myself TO myself. i lacked restraint (and still do) so often i would go off on tangents that hardly amounted to coherence. to this day my process hardly makes sense to an outsider. i run through my thoughts with no red lights.
my method consists of going. going. gone. i write hazily, and then i edit. sometimes it's exhausting having to go through and deconstruct the drunkenness of your own babbles. and other times it's invigorating because midst all of it you've created a gem. it's taken me a long time to articulate myself in a way that might be more relate-able and understandable to the general public.
i still battle with it, but the perk of being more accessible is rewarding in itself. there's always a sister, or a brother who will find a friend in your creation. they will find comfort and support. they might just find a voice that resonates with their troubles and their emotional/mental/physical fragility (or what have you). it is hard to work with a survival method when you're no longer the only audience it is intended for. i am trying to be more user friendly while keeping true to my style. i don't want to lose my original voice and the (sometimes misunderstood) depth. but these recent writing projects have helped me to step out of the self and become more approachable.