i'm in a weird place. a wired place where all my thoughts are intensified  magnified times 100. everything is bright, loud, and overlapping. there are lines and i'm ensconced. i am tangled. there is a strange ecstasy in being thrown to the gutters, leeches eating away at your flesh. so, this weird place is somehow comforting now. 3 days have gone by and i'm still deciding on decisions that will leave me where i first started. kind of happy? i swear i was content before i met him. went from loving one simply flawed man to loving one who has no simple bone in his body. what am i attracted to? you could ask me...... i'm asking myself and I do not know.

selfish. selfish i am. looking for attention in all the wrong places.
i'm trying to end a relationship that i'm not even sure i have. how do you quit when you're at that point you're no longer interested in resuscitating, but you're not fully there to voice it...? does that even make sense? do i? no. of course not. as usual it's a carousel.